my story + WHY VENUS?

I was nearing the end of a two-year period of total spiritual and emotional upheaval (NBD) when I tiredly asked for my next step.

But first, the back story.

Always a dabbler in alternative spirituality (I came of age in the 90s when The Craft made every outcasted preteen girl want to be a witch, and I was no exception), I entered my spiritual adulthood in earnest in 2011 after experiencing a spontaneous Kundalini awakening while dancing with fire at Burning Man.

No, this is not a joke. You CANNOT make this shit up.

And still, over the next six years, I continued to make turn after turn that seemed to lead me further away from the true nature of my spirit. I’m talking relationships, careers, homes, businesses (I’m a serial entrepreneur) all brilliantly disguised as THE RIGHT THING.

As a practicing witch (yes, I stuck with it after the era of The Craft came and went), I turned to my practice to fix what I, quite frankly, had fucked up. One night, I asked for the blocks between me and my highest potential to be removed and for the path to become clear. I knew it was a bold move, as what is best for us is quite often counter to what we’ve actually built. I knew the results wouldn’t be pretty - but it was time to stop pretending I was someone I wasn’t.

I was right. It wasn’t pretty.

Everything came crashing down, culminating in my leaving my marriage (I was as surprised and confused as he was) at 32, when I gave away the vast majority of my possessions and unexpectedly embarked on a completely new nomadic life.

While in Mexico attempting to DIY detox (not recommended) off of the cocktail of maximum-dosage Wellbutrin and Lexapro I had been prescribed to manage my significant inner turmoil, I had a clear-as-day vision of myself living there in a home I had never seen.

That very home? I found it - looking exactly the way I had imagined.

It was at this point that I spent the remainder of my savings to prepay the rent for four months, left my home country of the United States and moved to Mexico City. This was in 2017. I wasn’t sure exactly what I would do or why I was there, but I felt guided. Guided, and scared shitless.

However, unlike the language of my new home, “guided and scared shitless” was a language I was well versed in speaking in.

Over the course of the next year, I closed down my existing online business (finding myself completely broke in the process), had my Venus in Pisces heart broken multiple times, met the love of my life (yes, we’re still together!), faced and healed deep-seated emotional and physical trauma, dove deeply into powerful technology of Kundalini yoga, experienced epically painful spiritual purging, and started a new business.

It was during the “epically painful spiritual purging” part that I asked for my next step. Into my ear one word was whispered quietly and clearly - “Venus.”

Venus. The universal archetype of love, pleasure, beauty, and abundance.

But…why Venus? I had no idea, really. As a Pagan witch I had worked with the archetype of Venus briefly in the past, but I didn’t really know how she would transform me in this moment, or (quite frankly) what the hell she had to do with anything I was experiencing.

And then, unlike ever before, I started to receive message after message, downloaded into my consciousness from the hard drive of the divine.

The messages were spontaneous, vivid, and at times confusing. Answers to universal questions. Details of a highly specific value system. A set of beliefs that were at the same time sensual and beautiful, expansive and bold, empowered and alive.

These messages turned into Instagram posts shared in an attempt to understand what I was going through. These posts received surprising levels of engagement as I found that these teachings of Venus actually resonated with many.

Surprisingly, it wasn’t just “my people” (artistic, wild, spiritual, free-spirited AF) that these messages resonated with.

It was also those living lifestyles far different from my unconventional wandering nomad-turned-mystical expat existence. Those who didn’t even identify as spiritual. Those who just wanted to do better in every aspect of their lives.

In these divine messages, Venus reminded me that I show the world how to treat me by how I treat myself.

She not-so-gently pointed me towards all of the ways I was selling myself short in the life I had designed. See, to me, Venus wasn’t the flowery, ephemeral goddess energy so ubiquitous in the new age (and honestly, SO not my style).

Certainly, she embodied a beautiful, sensual energy - but with that came a sense of fierceness, a deep and unshakeable confidence, and most notably, a profoundly high set of standards.

These weren’t the stiflingly high standards that I, as a driven high achiever, had always set for my work and creative pursuits (yet constantly seemed to set aside when it came to my own pleasure and pursuits of my spirit). No, these were more powerful high standards, firmly rooted in the integrity of the self.

This was a voice that said, “You DO know better, so you can do better. So, do better.”

This was a call for a deeper sense of self-trust and self-respect.

I started exploring this energy of excellence alongside my existing Tarot practice, which I had long used for myself and my clients as a tool for self-exploration, self-development, and mastery of the mind.

For me, my Tarot deck had always acted as my personal life coach - pointing out my blind spots, telling me the things I knew but had been avoiding, and giving me hope to keep moving forward.

Like the archetypes of the Tarot, I found that Venus is an archetype alive and well in all of us. She is the part of us yearning to seek pleasure for pleasure’s sake, knowing that everything we want to attain is within reach if we approach it from a place of receiving, rather than resisting.

Venus is inside of each of us, regardless of our gender identity. In my experience, Venus exists far outside of rigid ideals of femininity. After all, pleasure, beauty, and abundance are all of our birthrights.